Thursday, May 22, 2008
Missouri Dealership Offers Free Handguns
A dealership is East Jesus, Missouri is offering free handguns or gas with every purchase. Is it not surprising that most customers are choosing the semiautomatic handgun? When asked about the promotion, general manager Walter Moore said "down here we believe in god, guts, and guns."
This man is a true missourian in every way. God bless you Walter.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Mormons hate Missouri
Joseph Smith, the founder and prophet of the Mormon religion, had this to say about our fair state:
"The murders at Haun's Mill, the exterminating order of Governor Boggs, and the one-sided rascally proceedings of the Legislature, have damned the State of Missouri to all eternity."
This quote originated from the Haun's Mill massacre when Missouri ordered a militia to exterminate a group of Mormon settlers. Missouri has only one speed and its set to "intense." These words are particularly damning when you realize that Smith also identified Independence, Missouri (the one-time Meth capital of the world) as the "center place." You know, where Jesus would return.
Is anyone surprised by this? Missouri being damned for all eternity? I mean Smith might have been on to something. If our roadways and other failed initiatives are any example, maybe all Missourians are cursed. Even worse, the only president from Missouri was the only president to use nuclear weapons. Our college has been host to a number of unsavory characters.
Missourians don't stand a chance.
"The murders at Haun's Mill, the exterminating order of Governor Boggs, and the one-sided rascally proceedings of the Legislature, have damned the State of Missouri to all eternity."
This quote originated from the Haun's Mill massacre when Missouri ordered a militia to exterminate a group of Mormon settlers. Missouri has only one speed and its set to "intense." These words are particularly damning when you realize that Smith also identified Independence, Missouri (the one-time Meth capital of the world) as the "center place." You know, where Jesus would return.
Is anyone surprised by this? Missouri being damned for all eternity? I mean Smith might have been on to something. If our roadways and other failed initiatives are any example, maybe all Missourians are cursed. Even worse, the only president from Missouri was the only president to use nuclear weapons. Our college has been host to a number of unsavory characters.
Missourians don't stand a chance.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Missouri is not impressed with the city of St. Louis
The city of St. Louis, Missouri is getting more and more frusterating to live in. In the previous years, there have been many ideas and entertainment developments that have been planned to revitalize the downtown area. By 2008, two developements (The Bottle District near the Dome and Ballpark Village near Busch Stadium) were supposed to be open and finished. As of today, construction has not started on either of them.
See, St. Louis is really good at creating blue prints for exciting new developments. But that is as far as we get. St. Louis is like the divorced dad who promises to attend your soccer game and the citizens are the little kids looking up to the stands knowing he won't be there. We are used to being treated like crap by our state. We are never surprised when something gets voted down. We know our state hates us. Missouri hates to see anyone succeed, especially its own kind. I hate it, but I respect the shit out of it.
See, St. Louis is really good at creating blue prints for exciting new developments. But that is as far as we get. St. Louis is like the divorced dad who promises to attend your soccer game and the citizens are the little kids looking up to the stands knowing he won't be there. We are used to being treated like crap by our state. We are never surprised when something gets voted down. We know our state hates us. Missouri hates to see anyone succeed, especially its own kind. I hate it, but I respect the shit out of it.
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