Monday, June 16, 2008

An Open Letter to Radio Program Managers

Dear Program Manager,

Please stop playing Jane's Addiction. Seriously, this band is fucking stupid and terrible. There is not ONE redeeming quality in there music - at least not that I've heard. It's garbage. His voice sucks. I can't even form a coherent thought I'm so mad about this sick band.

But don't worry. They have that one god damn song that you wait for me to get into my car before you play. God I hate that fucking song. "Been Caught Stealin" that's some good ass music, right? Yeah, people around the city are just pumped because they hear a little JA come on.

Dammit. It's terrible. No one likes Jane's Addiction. The band didn't even like it, that's why they broke up... twice. You know, why you're at it, why don't you do a little Papa Roach right after.

You disgust me Program Managers. Jane's Addiction can go to hell.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

How Missourians Do Attack Ads

Do you still need evidence that Missourian's are low-life scumbags with no taste? Well, just watch how we approach political attack ads and a Missourian's view of "San Francisco values."

Please note, through it all, I still love this state.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Missouri Licensed RNs Are Not Impressed With Your Ailment

I'm sitting here typing from my hospital bed in Missouri. I came to the emergency room with stomach cramps and ended up having surgery. I told the nurse that I would much rather have a private room because no one wants to hear my loud puking. Her response is as followed, "I don't really care what you want. I'm getting off in 5 minutes."

What we have here is another example of the selfishness of Missourians.

The next day, I began to tell a new nurse my side effects of a certain medicine. I told her that it was making me puke and giving me diarrhea. She told me that those two side effects were nothing. She's seen much worse in her day. Really? I'm shitting and puking blood at the same time, and your not impressed. I was always nervous about the inbred Missouri selfishness infiltrating past the trailer parks and into our schools and healthcare. I can now see that its only a matter of time before there will be absolutely no hope for our Missourian bred brothers and sisters.

By the way, I'm watching this new Real World right now and its amazing. Its the perfect combination: A thug-looking Uncle Tom, Three douche bags with gelled hair and a penchant for the outta control, an annoying southern belle that believes she's the normal one, and a prude who still goes to church while she's on the show. Perfection MTV, but could we get someone from Sedalia, MO in there and show them who's boss? Our last entry into the Real World was Frankie a few years back- you know, the cutter? We do it right.