Gone Noodlin'

Noodling. Have you heard of this? Supposedly it's illegal. Apparently, it entails getting a catfish to try and swallow your hand. Then, you just pull it up, out of the water. Have a big fucking fish fry in the front yard and eat it and drink Busch grow rat-tails. But here's the thing. People die from this all the time.

Seriously. They get drowned by the catfish. Is there a less graceful way to die? I'm sure there is. But this has to be up there. What do you do if you're the friend who was out there with your buddy and he's killed by a huge catfish. Surely you could have done something.

It's the most white- trash-peice-of- shit-retard-redneck-fucking- stupid-waste-of-human- life-dumbfuck-and- 18-years-of-compulsory-education- and-for-what?-for-a-fucking- huge-dick-catfish-to- drown-you-in-a-sick- Missouri-creek way to die.

This should seriously be Missouri's state sport. I hate the people in this state.

Conceal AND Carry

Ever wonder why this blog is called "Never Trust A Missourian"? Well, I'll give you two words that explain it perfectly. One is "conceal" and the other is "carry."

For idiots, this means that Missourians have the right to hide a gun on them and walk around amongst us. Why you ask? Why in the fuck would anyone need to carry a gun around all the time? Well, as this engrossing website Missouri Right To Carry What Every Woman Should Know tells us there are a TON of good reasons to allow for stupid Missourians to be able to carry a gun around.

- Right-to-carry license holders are more law-abiding than the general public. In Florida, for example, the firearm crime rate among license holders, annually averaging only several crimes per 100,000 licensees, is a fraction of the rate for the state as a whole. Since the carry law went into effect in 1987, less than 0.02% of Florida carry permits have been revoked because of gun crimes committed by license holders.

Good. We're comparing ourselves to Florida. Jesus. Florida? One of the most disgusting peice of shit states in the Union. Sick. Pretty soon we'll be comparing ourselves to Mississippi explaining why being morbidly obese is good for society. Quick note: I hate Mississippi more than Missouri.


- Murder rates decline when either more women or more men carry concealed handguns, but the effect is especially pronounced for women.

Yep. You heard it here. But, what this doesn't take into account is that the overall trashiness of Missouri means our crime rate is so high that there can be fluctuations and we can still be one of the worst places to live. This is fucking stupid. I wonder how concel and carry has change the numbers in New Hampshire. Wait, that place is awesome. It doesn't need to carry a gun to go to Dairy Queen and get a chocolate dip cone. And now... my favorite

- The benefits of concealed handguns are not limited to those who carry them. Others get a free ride from the crime fighting efforts of their fellow citizens.

Good point. Fucking pussy liberals.

Seriously, never trust a Missourian.