I hate Chefs

Let me set a few things straight.

I'm from Missouri. My palate is plain. I like tacos, hamburgers, pizza and spaghetti... that's basically it. Those are my four food groups. I don't like fennel, or anything from the ocean (I don't trust the ocean, but that's for another day) and I'm not impressed by your blueberry and gorganzola reduction sauce. Which leads me to my next point:

I hate the idea of the chef as a celebrity.

When did we start giving chefs all this credit? Who cares their opinions on fashion or music or movies or even beer. Just because someone is good at making food doesn't make them hip. In fact, have you ever met a chef? They're all the same, huge assholes. Not the cool kind of assholes, but the lame ones. The kids who got picked one who get that little bit of power when they are become a "chef" and get their own kitchen. They decided to make everyone's lives miserable - especially the servers, because if you've ever worked in a resteraunt, the "pretty" ones with charisma are the servers, they throw the pimple-faced grunts who bitch and moan constantly in the steam filled hell-hole called the kitchen.

I'm not impressed with you. I don't care about your technique or ability to taste rosemary in some duck glaze. You are a glorified cook. You hear me Tom Colicchio and all you other piece of shit chefs? Your work changes nothing. The best reaction your life's work could produce is someone going "Oh, this is good." That's it. You're not inventing the wheel. You're a cook.

And I'm sure all chefs started out as line cooks. Jesus Christ. Have you ever met a line chef who wasn't:
a. Miserable
b. A huge bag of shit who complained constantly
c. A smoker

I've worked with dozens of cooks. Some have even been alright... but they were the ones who only did it until they graduated school. Not the people who based their lives around grilling a fucking cheeseburger.

Listen line cook. You are not smarter than me. If you were you, wouldn't be a fucking cook. You are not better than me (that one is pure ego). You go home and smell like food and maybe you drink your wine and imagine how one day people will give you all sorts of respect that you don't deserve, but you are one god damn step away from the person who puts the burgers together at McDonalds.

God I hate chefs. You know what, it's one of the only professions where they could write down what to do, then I could produce something the same quality. A chef is like someone who builds pre assembled office furniture. Gordon Ramsey, I am not impressed with you or your hair. You don't like good music and you probably suck. You lucked out and got swept up in this stupid fascination we have with the Celebrity Chef.

Can we please move on to another worthless profession that takes itself to seriously?

Chefs can go fuck themselves, I can make tacos on my own.